Why It Is So Important to Accept Help: My Personal Journey

Accepting help was a huge challenge for me for a long time – shaped by the shadows of my experiences as a police officer and a childhood marked by strict rules and an unrelenting pursuit of independence.

In a world where strength is often equated with independence and self-sufficiency, it was particularly difficult for me to muster the courage to admit that I needed support. This deeply ingrained belief that weakness is synonymous with failure prevented me from seeking the help I so desperately needed for a long time. But the many challenges life threw at me eventually taught me a valuable lesson: True strength lies in accepting help and allowing oneself to be vulnerable.

As an 11-Year-Old with a Tumor in the Hip Joint

In my childhood, I often felt like a lone fighter who had to handle everything alone.

My parents were strict, worked hard, and had little time to engage with me. These circumstances led me to learn early on to put my own needs aside and take matters into my own hands.

A particularly formative experience was a hospital stay when a tumor was discovered in my hip joint. During this dark time, I had to fight not only the physical pain of the tumor and the painful treatments but also the gnawing loneliness that often surrounded me, as my family could not always be by my side.

The medical procedures were invasive and often took place without my parents' presence, which added to my pain as a child. One procedure, even performed without my parents' consent, was particularly traumatic for me. Experiencing a bone marrow puncture without general anesthesia was a true horror trip for a child, and the feeling of not being able to hold a parent's hand in these crucial moments intensified my isolation and fear immeasurably.

Later, during my time as a police officer, this pattern of self-isolation and suppression was further reinforced. The job was tough and demanding, and I was convinced that any form of weakness could endanger not only myself but also my colleagues. In a profession where I was constantly confronted with extreme situations, it seemed essential to be strong and unwavering. There were countless moments when I questioned my own values – moments that tore me apart inside, like the incident with a choleric colleague where I didn't intervene, even though I should have.

These experiences led me to increasingly isolate myself from my own feelings and view the need to seek help as a weakness.

It was only after many years of inner struggle that I began to realize that constantly suppressing my emotions and feeling like I had to handle everything alone didn't make me stronger but actually harmed me.

Especially after moving to the USA, I painfully realized that I was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The sounds of a backfiring exhaust or other everyday triggers instinctively put me in a state of fear and terror. Thanks to my experience in coaching, I immediately became aware of this state, and through this awareness and my coaching training, I was able to respond accordingly.

Why Is It So Hard for Us to Accept Help?

Let's be honest with ourselves and take a closer look at the issue:

• Stigma: In professions like the police, "showing weakness" means, for many, questioning their professionalism or authority. This leads many in similar professions to not dare to talk about their problems or seek help for fear of being perceived as less capable.

• Self-Image: I was always the one who wanted to help – the rescuer. This role was deeply rooted in my self-concept. The idea of taking on the role of the one seeking help felt foreign and uncomfortable to me, as if I were fighting against my own self-image.

• Entrenched Patterns: The feeling of having to do everything alone was deeply ingrained in me. This belief was reinforced by my childhood experiences and the demands of my profession, making it impossible for me to see or act differently.

How I Learned to Accept Help and How You Can Too

• Creating Awareness: I had to admit to myself that I couldn't handle everything alone – and that it was okay. This realization was liberating and opened the door to new possibilities and perspectives. I began to reflect on my experiences and feelings and realized that it takes strength to show weakness.

  
  

• Building Trust: The support of my network, especially through the International Police Association, helped me find a safe space to openly talk about my challenges. My own coaching team also played a crucial role in helping me develop strategies to overcome my fears and accept support.

  
  

• Developing Self-Compassion: Gradually, I learned to be kinder to myself and allow myself to be vulnerable. This journey to self-acceptance was not easy, but it was necessary to reduce the crushing burden of loneliness and the pressure to handle everything alone.

  
  

Accepting help is not a weakness – on the contrary: It is an act of courage and self-care. It takes enormous inner strength to break old patterns and face one's fears. I can say from personal experience that it is worth taking this step. The path becomes easier, and the burden becomes lighter when shared with others. It is a liberating realization that you don't have to be alone in your struggles.

If you also feel like you have to carry everything alone, I want to tell you today: You are not alone. Take the first step – there is always someone ready to lend you a hand and support you on your journey. It is important to seek and accept help because each of us deserves to receive support in difficult times. I am happy to support you today!

#MentalHealthAwareness #FirstResponderSupport #YouAreNotAlone #awareness #ptsd #burnout #biancaramoscoaching #oneofus.coach